Kafkacast

Today I learned that Comcast customer support is actually being paid to "understand your frustration with the issue."

I was just indoctrinated into the Kafka-esque world of Comcast, who recently, and inexplicably, blocked my access to port 25, through which SMTP connections are made, allowing for email to be sent through a mail client. See, I use Mac Mail to manage my approximately 12 email addresses from which I send email to conduct business. Yes, really ... I have a dozen of 'em. And, correspondingly, about 6 SMTP servers I use to send email through. Suddenly, they were all blocked.

Here's the transcript of my chat with the amiable, but policy-restrained customer service representative. (Notice, by the way, how he uses my name no fewer than 18 times during the chat. Anybody who says my name more than like ... 5 times in a conversation is either highly medicated, or utterly sociopathic. It's like talking to HAL.) Here's how it went down ... stick with it ... it gets twistedly hilarious:

Live Chat

user Will has entered room
analyst Mac has entered room
Mac 21:29:08: Hello Will, Thank you for contacting Comcast Live Chat Support. My name is Mac. Please give me one moment to review your information.
Mac 21:29:53: Hi Will.
Mac 21:30:00: What error message do you get?
Will 18:30:16: can't connect to smtp server
Will 18:30:34: i use mac mail, and i have a bunch of smtp servers that i use to send mail through
Will 18:30:37: normally they connect fine
Will 18:30:42: suddenly, they don't
Will 18:30:53: i'm assuming this is a blocking port 25 issue on your end
Will 18:31:12: so how do i unblock them? i need access to my smtp servers
Mac 21:31:16: Thats not possible.
Mac 21:31:20: Yes you may have to change it to 587 port.
Will 18:31:25: 587 will work?
Mac 21:31:30: Yes.
Will 18:31:35: does it redirect to 25?
Mac 21:32:30: Port 25 is blocked for most users as for security.
Mac 21:32:36: All spam is sent on 25.
Will 18:32:42: ok. will changing it to 587 affect me if i go to another location (e.g. another ISP) and try and connect?
Will 18:33:05: (i work from a laptop, and am always on the move)
Mac 21:33:19: It shouldn't Will.
Mac 21:33:24: You would have to try it.
Will 18:33:36: right
Will 18:33:45: let me try it here real quick
Will 18:34:56: didn't seem to work
Will 18:35:00: though i get a different error now
Will 18:35:20: i'm trying to access the yahoo smtp server
Will 18:35:50: now it says trying to log into this smtp server failed
Will 18:35:55: which is different than not connecting to it
Will 18:36:08: see, i'm not using comcast for my smtp ... just as my pipe
Mac 21:37:13: Ok, Will, they may be blocking 25 and then it wouldn't work.
Will 18:37:40: so, what's my solution here?
Mac 21:38:14: Well Will, comcast doesn't unblock ports for anyone.
Will 18:38:41: yes, but i need to send email through my pop account, mac
Mac 21:39:01: Couldn't you do this on there webpages?
Will 18:39:06: no way
Will 18:39:23: no possible way i could do my job through a web mail client
Mac 21:39:20: I know on Yahoo you can.
Will 18:39:50: oh, i know you *can*, but doing so is incredibly impractical, you know?
Will 18:40:18: i'm a contractor ... i use at least a dozen different email addresses for my work
Mac 21:40:38: I understand Will. The port may have been banned as business was being conducted using Comcast HOME internet which is not allowed
Will 18:41:10: so why is it that all of a sudden they're blocked?
Will 18:41:16: i've been using this for 3+ years now
Will 18:41:31: and this is completely screwing me, btw
Will 18:41:52: i absolutely need a better solution than using webmail
Mac 21:41:55: That could be a possiblity.
Mac 21:42:05: Its mostly for security purposes.
Will 18:42:29: i'm aware of that ... but in this case, it's throwing out the baby with the bathwater
Will 18:42:41: you guys need a provision for trusted users, like myself
Mac 21:43:08: Will, you still wouldn't be allowed to conduct business on the home account
Will 18:43:11: if you guys see (or have reported) spam coming from my IP, i'd understand a desire to block it
Will 18:43:30: wait ... huh?
Mac 21:43:53: You mentioned you conduct most of your business emailing using comcast internet, which is not allowed.
Will 18:44:15: i'm not allowed to conduct business from my home?
Will 18:44:33: how do you guys presume to limit people to business vs. pleasure?
Mac 21:44:56: Not with your home internet service. They can watch activity on the account. We have a seperate business service we offer.
Will 18:45:09: which is what ... more expensive?
Mac 21:45:31: I believe so, I'm not sure of the pricing exactly.
Will 18:45:43: i run a home office, mac. it's not like i'm running a corporation here.
Mac 21:45:46: Either way the port 25 couldn't be unblocked in any circumstance.
Mac 21:46:04: I understand Will, I am simply stating the policies.
Will 18:46:05: i'm a contractor doing business sometimes out of my home, sometimes on clients' sites.
Will 18:46:47: so, if i had a business account, i'd be able to use port 25?
Mac 21:47:34: I believe so yes.
Will 18:48:27: well, i kinda need to know that for sure, mac.
Mac 21:49:03: Will, we dont do the business side. Let me give you a phone number.
Mac 21:49:21: Phone: 1-800-316-1619
Will 18:49:30: is comcast my only option for DSL service at my home?
Mac 21:49:52: I'm not sure Will, we don't offer DSL.
Will 18:50:22: or ... better said, then ... high speed internet
Mac 21:51:14: Will, I'm not familiar with the area, I assume there would be some other providers.
Will 18:51:32: i'm sure to be looking into that at this point
Mac 21:51:49: Great Will, whatever solution works.
Will 18:51:56: i've got no problem with your *personal* service here, mac. just so we're clear.
Will 18:52:14: i'm just flabbergasted that this is how your company conducts business
Will 18:52:54: more than anything else right now, i'm really curious as to why suddenly my smtp was shut down, without so much as a peep of warning or anything.
Mac 21:53:23: However if you want to cancel the internet you will have to call 1800COMCAST
Will 18:53:30: i consider myself lucky i happen to have enough technical savvy to any idea what was going on
Mac 21:54:35: Well Will, in your contract with us it does state that we reserve the right to block ports at anytime we find suitable.
Mac 21:54:42: It is a security issue.
Will 18:55:14: yes, but there hasn't been a security breach to my knowledge
Will 18:55:39: and blocking ports isn't just an arbitrary thing to do ... it affects people's ability to conduct business, mac.
Will 18:56:05: or forget business for a second ... to use the internet as it is supposed to be used
Mac 21:56:43: Will, you can use the internet without using port 25.
Will 18:57:03: yes, but i can't use my mail client, mac
Will 18:57:22: so what you're saying is that if i'm using comcast home internet service, i can't use a mail client
Mac 21:58:06: You can use it on the website as I stated.
Will 18:58:25: sorry, but that's not helpful
Will 18:58:55: is there some kind of analysis that i could see that shows why it was warranted or deemed necessary to shut down my ports?
Mac 21:59:29: Will, this is a non-negotiable decision
Will 19:00:52: this is a load of crap, mac.
Mac 22:01:24: Well I'm sorry you feel that way Will.
Will 19:01:44: please note to your superiors that you should absolutely have a port access provision for trusted users
Will 19:02:05: i totally understand why port 25s are blocked ... but not in this case
Mac 22:02:14: I will definitely pass the chat along to them.
Will 19:03:47: thanks mac
Mac 22:03:59: Not a problem Will.
Will 19:04:02: i appreciate your answering my questions ...
Will 19:04:25: ... and sad that this is such a pitifully lame situation
Mac 22:04:24: Thats what I am here for Will, I understand your frustration with the issue.
Mac 22:04:49: http://www.comcast.net/help/faq/index.jsp?faq=SecurityMail_Policy18990
You will have to fill out the form provided on this page to have the email unblocked.
Mac 22:05:02: You can try the network support team here.
Mac 22:05:11: Just leave a detailed message and a phone number.
Mac 22:05:19: Its basically worth a shot I guess.
Will 19:06:40: so that form is to request unblocking a port 25?
Mac 22:07:33: Not exactly, but it is the closest thing.
Will 19:07:45: right ... i hear ya
Mac 22:08:20: Is there anything else i can help you with?
Will 19:09:09: unless you've got a button on your keyboard that says "unblock Will's port 25", i guess not.
Will 19:09:16: :-)
Mac 22:09:34: Sorry just out of service at the moment!
Mac 22:09:35: wink
Mac 22:10:07: Answers to many Frequently Asked Questions regarding Comcast High Speed Internet service can be found at: http:\faq.comcast.net/faq/ You may want to bookmark this site for future reference. Thank you for contacting Comcast. We appreciate you as a customer. Good bye.
Mac 22:10:11: Analyst has closed chat and left the room

Sigh. Welcome to Kafkacast, where You're Our Bitch (tm).