Hardwood Floors Turn Out to be Cold After All – Need Area Rug!

Will Chase

In a shocking development, residents of a Panhandle flat discovered that their hardwood floors were, in fact, cold after all.

“We honestly didn’t think it could happen,” said one of the residents. “But then one day, there we were walking around barefoot, and to our amazement, the floor was cold. It wasn’t supposed to be this way! I didn’t sign up for this!”

“Meow*,” said their kitten as she skittered across the floor, her furry paws useless to resist the slick wood.

Following in the footsteps of many before them, the couple turned for their solution to the wellspring of good karma and good folks trying to offload their crap. They posted on the Wanted section of Craigslist, looking for an area rug, preferably an Oriental carpet, between 5’x8′ and 8’x12′ to place atop their frigid living room hardwood floor, giving it the warmth and coziness it so richly deserved, and for which it so desperately cried out.

They waited patiently, with bated breath and slightly numb toes, awaiting their kind benefactor to email them with news of an area rug needing a new home, and they anticipated negotiating a price that would leave both parties optimistic about the future of humankind.

And as they waited, their kitten slid to a stop at their feet, with an imploring “Meow?”.

(*roughly translated: “Oh, the humanity!”)

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